


oh, i don't love you (but i always will)

by darknightskies



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, They finally talk things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:36:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22100404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darknightskies/pseuds/darknightskies
Summary: “You have no idea what you’ve done to me, Kara. How you’ve hurt me. I used to think that it were the Luthors, and Rhea, and even Andrea Rojas, that had broken me beyond repair, but it was you, Kara. You finally broke me.”or -kara and lena finally talk things out after the betrayal. lena doesn't think she will ever be able to trust anyone ever again, but kara is not giving up on her.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 9
Kudos: 192





	oh, i don't love you (but i always will)

**Author's Note:**

> can these two please talk things out when the show returns because i want to see them happy again. preferably happy with each other.
> 
> the title is from "poison & wine" by the civil wars.
> 
> hope you enjoy!

“Lena?”

Lena had recognised the voice softly saying her name before she heard the telltale thud of boots landing on her balcony. Lena had her back to the hero and was nursing a glass of Glenfiddich as she looked out over the city, enjoying how the amber liquid burned its way down her throat in an attempt to stop her heart from aching over the woman that was now standing a few metres behind her.

“Can we please talk?”

An audible sigh escaped Lena’s lips. She knew that they had to talk about what had happened at some point, but she’d had a particularly bad day today - investors were threatening to pull out because of one of Lillian’s latest stunts, followed by her board criticising her idea to set up a new hospital in National City specifically focused on alien medicine - and all she wanted was to get some alcohol into her system and forget about everything for a while.

This was only her first glass, though, and she was nowhere near drunk, meaning that she would have to deal with this now. She’d have to get it over with. She chugged the remainder of her drink and set her glass down on the balcony’s railing before turning around to face her former best friend, her face void of emotion.

Kara felt a shiver go down her spine as she took in the darkness in Lena’s eyes, drowning out the emerald green that had always felt like home to her. Lena stood before her, tight-lipped and right eyebrow slightly raised, making it clear that she expected the blonde to speak first. The brunette hadn’t spoken a word, but Kara could still hear her voice in her head nevertheless, her brain automatically translating Lena’s stance and features.

_You came here to talk, so talk_.

“I never meant to hurt you Lena,” Kara started, “Please, you have to believe me when I tell you that. Everything I’ve done - every single action, every single _lie_ \- has been to keep you safe. Knowing my secret would have painted an even bigger target on your back. If the wrong people found out how much you mean to me, they would’ve come for you to get to me.”

The thought of that alone still made Kara feel sick to her stomach and she had to pause for a moment to pull herself together again before she could continue.

“It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you to keep my secret Lena - I _did_. I’ve always trusted you. It was because I was scared that I couldn’t protect you. I was scared that I would lose you. But it now seems like I have either way.” Kara’s voice had dropped to a whisper as she spoke that final sentence, her features showing the weight of it.

_Showing pain_ , Lena realised. She had seen that look on someone’s face only once before in her life, when she ended things with Jack to move to National City to share her home with a Kryptonian. With the woman standing before her. This wasn’t regular pain in Kara’s eyes - _this was heartbreak_.

“I want you to be happy Lena and if that means not being a part of your life anymore, then I will respect that, but I just couldn’t let you go without having told you that what I did came from love. I’m so sorry Lena. I truly am.”

Tears clouded Kara’s vision by the time she had finished. She had said everything she had been wanting to say for weeks now, but it hadn’t made her feel any better. Lena was still looking at her with cold, dark eyes and had simply been staring at her as she had spoken, not moving a muscle. Not showing any reaction to Kara’s words whatsoever.

Minutes passed and Lena still hadn’t spoken a word, hadn’t replied to anything Kara had said and the blonde knew enough. She had tried, but it was clear that what they had once had was irreparable now.

“I’ll go. I’m sorry for bothering you.”

“You know, truth hurts, but lies hurt even worse.”

Kara had just turned around to fly off when she heard Lena speak, slowly turning back around to be met with dark eyes again. _Unfamiliar_ eyes. How much she’d give to see them return to striking emerald green again; her favourite colour.

“Over the years I’ve often wondered why you stayed close to me,” Lena continued. “Why you were so set on keeping me as your friend, on inviting me into your life, on keeping me _close_.” Gears turned in Lena’s head as she said the words. She still hadn’t figured out why Kara had stayed all those years and was still so hellbent on repairing their friendship now. _Why would she when it had all been a lie?_

“Time had broken me beyond repair and broken things are meant to _go_ , not to be kept close. I have always distanced myself from people because, one way or another, I will end up getting hurt. But then you walked into my life and, for the first time ever, you made me feel like someone stuck around for the _person_ that I am, not for gaining something out of the job that I do or the money that I have. You tore down my walls and, bit by bit, broke free the person that I was so desperately trying to hide away.”

Kara caught a glimmer of emerald within the darkness that were Lena’s eyes as they filled with tears. Lena roughly wiped at them with the back of her hand, emotion starting to flood her features as she stared right into Kara’s eyes.

“I could feel us growing closer after I broke up with James and I truly thought that maybe - _just maybe_ \- this time I could end up happy - l _oved_ \- because I still had you. It just turns out that I was a fool.” Lena scoffed and shook her head.

_Lex was right. Even as he took his final breaths, he had been spot on. He’d always been when it concerned her._

“Luthors don’t deserve happy endings.”

Lena turned away from Kara and looked out over the city again. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to stay strong as soon as she saw the emotions that her next words would awaken in the blonde.

“You have no idea what you’ve done to me, Kara. How you’ve _hurt_ me. I used to think that it were the Luthors, and Rhea, and even Andrea Rojas, that had broken me beyond repair, but it was you, Kara. You finally broke me.”

Lena couldn’t help but turn and look Kara in the eye when she spoke those final words, feeling her resolve crumble when she saw how silent tears made their way down the blonde’s cheeks. She cursed herself for still caring so much, but this was _Kara_ and, deep down, there was still a part of her that loved the Kryptonian dearly.

Lena was pulled out of her thoughts when Kara spoke, her voice so soft that Lena nearly missed what the blonde said.

“Do you hate me?”

Kara was looking at her with red and teary eyes, shredding whatever was left of her resolve into tiny little pieces. She thought about the question for a moment, not completely sure how to answer it. She never _hated_ Kara, but she had felt angry and betrayed and _in pain_. It had felt as if she had been stabbed between the ribs and the knife had been left in, it being twisted and causing her pain every time she thought back on it.

“I never hated you,” Lena started, “I loved you too much to ever be able to hate you. I think that is why it hurts so much.”

Lena’s gaze turned soft as Kara’s eyes lit up at the confession of her feelings. Kara could see that familiar emerald green that she loved so much return bit by bit as the conversation went on. She was slowly breaking down Lena’s walls again, but this time she knew had to tread carefully. She didn’t want to hurt the brunette anymore; didn’t think she’d survive losing her _again_.

“Please give me a chance to show you every part of my life, to show you who I really am and where I come from. Let me show you that it doesn’t matter who I am, be it Kara Danvers or Kara Zor-El, for me to still love you. The only thing I’ve ever lied about was my secret identity, nothing else. My friendship, my _feelings_ for you; they have always been real,” Kara pleaded.

“I don’t know how to trust anymore, Kara. I don’t know I’m able to ever trust again.” There was a helplessness in Lena’s eyes, showing the weight of the words she had just spoken.

“I know that it’s hard to trust me, but please, let me try to make this right. Let me help you as we try and rebuilt this trust between us together. I know that it’ll take time and patience, and that it won’t be easy, but you’re worth fighting for, even if you don’t see it yourself.”

A soft, small smile slowly appeared on Lena’s face and Kara felt her heart flutter at the sight. Over the course of their fight, her heart had felt caged, as if a thorny bush had wrapped itself around the organ and squeezed it a little tighter every time she thought of the brunette. But the sharp and stabbing pain was gone now that she had seen Lena’s smile, however small it was. She could feel the bush wither, making room for flowers to grow instead now that the light - _her light_ \- had returned to her life.

“I’ve missed seeing you smile,” Kara spoke, looking down at the floor when she realised what she just said. Lena almost missed how a blush formed on the blonde’s cheeks as she took in Kara’s words, a realisation hitting her that she was scared to voice, but knew she couldn’t keep inside any longer.

“I’ve missed _you_.”


End file.
